The Familiar Crow

After being initiated into daimonic reality by the Archangel Michael, it wasn’t long before others began to show themselves. Some people who traverse the Otherworld (also known as the daimonic realm) are gifted with the ability to perceive the daimonic reality that is interwoven with the more physical reality of the world. Others, such as myself, are only able to do so either during sleep, in meditation, or while under deep trance.

At seventeen (2007), my life was simultaneously abundant with possibility and overwhelmed by terror and anxiety. The encounter with Archangel Michael challenged my understanding of Evangelicalism and complicated my relationship with the church. This same year, I had decided to come out as gay to my close friends and family. “Your time has come.” As can be expected, there were mixed responses, but overall, I made it through senior year unscathed. The response from the church, however, was predictably negative. I was sent a letter from my Sunday school teacher informing me that because I had “turned from God” and had “chosen sin,” God would not heal me of chronic kidney disease. She went on to write that if I “renounced my sin” and “returned to God,” I would be healed. I never did return to that church, and I kept that letter for eight years as a reminder of why.

It was also around this time that I decided to try meditating. No teacher or book led me to this choice, just a deep longing for the world around me to quiet down and for people to leave me the fuck alone. School was nearing an end, college was on the horizon, I had left the church and all of those friends behind, I was dealing with what it meant to be gay, and my family was struggling with issues so intense that I dare not write them here.

All I wanted was silence.

I closed my bedroom door, placed a candle on a chair, sat at the edge of my bed, and stared at the flame. It hardly flickered. During those ultra-still moments, I wondered if the flame was even real. My eyelids and hands began to feel heavy, and they eventually lost feeling altogether. I became subsumed by absolute darkness.

A large blackberry colored bird filled my vision. Long golden tendrils of feathers sprouted from its crown, though the rest of its body was that of a crow. Its wings were outstretched as if preparing to land atop my head. I heard no words, no sounds were made, but in that silence, I knew that this moment was special.

I had met with my Familiar.